My Father

A year after my daughter died at birth, my father was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I was just coming to terms with understanding why my little girl died, and now I was faced with my dad’s demise. No one in our family was expecting this. He “seemed” fine one day and the next he was in the hospital. The doctors operated to remove the tumors, but that only sent him into cardiac arrest and later a coma. He passed away three days later—just a few days before I found out I was pregnant with my first living child, Kathryn.

I am still sad today because my father never got to meet my children. But I am thankful for the many things he taught me and for the life he worked so hard to give me and my siblings.

RIP Dad!
Robert Wisneiwski:
July 9, 1928 - March 21, 2001

That must have been so very difficult.  Many people say that losing a parent makes the child feel like an orphan.  At the very least, it feels as if you are now “officially” an adult.  Questions of “Who do I turn to” or “Where will I get advice from now” are usually a part of the emotional dilemma.  It’s definitely never an easy road to travel, but hopefully it’s easier when one shares.

Thanks, Jacqueline,

It’s been awhile, so while I do miss him, I don’t grieve for him anymore. I find it sad my children never got to meet him, but I do have his pictures up in our house and my older daughter does recognize him by those. My son’s middle name was named after him too—Robert—so I am doing all I can to keep his memory alive.

That’s very special that your son is named after him- I think that’s a wonderful way to honor his memory, and in this way, he’s still apart of the family.  Heritage is very important when we lose someone.  I think that it helps us remember them and at the same time, honor them.

Hi Mary Beth, I understand how you feel. I lost my father when I was eight years old. It was sudden and devastating. That was decades ago, and yet I still miss him to this day. I have a very nice framed picture of him and myself that I keep on top of our TV stand. Sharing stories about him is one way for my children to have a sense of who he was. My oldest son’s middle name was also my father’s name. It’s important to pass on memories of our parents to our children, even if they never had the joy of knowing their grandparents in person.

Kelly, I’m so very sorry to hear that.  Was it very confusing to you (his passing) when you were young, or did you already understand what death meant at that point?  I think you’re right about passing the memories on to your children- I didn’t know my grandfather, but my family always told stores, especially funny ones, about him.  In a way, it really helped me feel as if I knew him even though I’d never met him in person.  It certainly helped me form a connection to him.

I did understand it when my mom broke the news to me, but that was my first real encounter with death. I’d had a couple of aunts and uncles pass on that I didn’t know very well, but this was the first death that really touched my life. I had been “Daddy’s girl”, so the sense of loss was huge. I think my own children are actually better equipped to deal with death than I ever was because we have raised so many pets over the years. They understand that all things pass, but there’s always going to be that sense of shock and loss. You’re right though, it helps to keep good memories alive. It gives the family a sense of continuity.

I think that’s an amazing story, and I’m so glad that you shared it.  I’m sure that must have been a very pivotal moment for you, especially since you were close to him (I’m very close to my father, and I’m very lucky that he’s still alive, but I can only imagine how it would be to lose him, and I have no doubt that it would be devastating). 

Growing up without a parent is very hard, and I can only imagine that its shapes/shaped your personality.  My mother left when I was very young, and even though she’s not dead, it definitely shaped my personality; the absence does make a difference. I’m glad that your kids had/have a lot of pets around them; I think that does make a huge difference.  It’s obvious that you tried to take a healthy view of his passing, and I think that’s something that kids really recognize.  Kids are so amazing in what they understand, and I have to believe that it all happened for a reason (although, that’s just my own personal belief).

There’s a great piece on CNN about Larry King dealing with his father’s passing (http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/books/05/13/larry.king.dad/index.html). He was only nine when his dad died. I thought it was pretty inspiring (although Larry has a very inspiring story).

I read that about Larry King. He even remembered about his library books. It’s amazing the details you retain when you go through such a tragedy. I wonder how many of the details he remembered came back to him as he was older?

That’s a good point; I wonder how much he remembers and if he blocked anything out. He said that he was very close to his father, so the impact must have been tremendous.  I thought it was intresting that he said that he never cried about it.  What does everyone else think about that?

I m sorry fro your son. I just imagine how difficult time for you. Its hardened to believe it. You can’t grieve anymore, you can trying another one. I hope you will get a baby this time. I lost my uncle suddenly 3years ago and its so hurting me and hard time for our family. Be strong, my prayers with you.