My Aunt has one month to live

Well,I just found out that my Aunt is in the hospital with hospice at her side.  They say she has one month to live.  I have not seen her for a long time.  She is my Mother’s Brother’s wife.  She has actually been battling cancer for two years and now it has gone to her brain.  I am just so grateful she is with hospice.  I know she will have help during this time.  It is very sad.

Christine, I’m so very sorry to hear this! What awful news for you and your family. I’m glad that you seem to be pleased with the hospice; do they seem to be very kind and caring? Will you have a chance to go and visit her? How are you coping with this news and how is your family doing? I hope that your aunt has much longer than one month to live, and I will definitely keep you in my thoughts.

Hi Jackie,  thanks for your post.  I have not seen my aunt for many years, so I am fine.  My mom is having a harder time.  When they were younger, they were very close.  Now all my aunts and uncles on my Mom’s side live out of state, so we don’t really get to see them.

I am just so amazed how much cancer is still spreading.  I have been raising money for years along with so many people and it is still so prominent. I just think it is so sad that so many people are still affected by cancer.

The reason I am glad she is with hospice is because my sister-in-law did not.  She did not die peacefully and I wish she would have.  I don’t know how it is going, but I am very hopeful that my aunt will have a peaceful transition.

Hi Christine,
to echo Jacqueline’s comments, I’m very sorry to hear about your aunt. It’s always hard to know how to feel when a family member who you are not close to is ill. We feel bad, of course, but not emotionally connected even though other people close to us may be upset.

Do you think your mom is also confroting her own mortality? Are they close in age?

Hi Christine,

I’m sorry that this is happening for your mom. I can only imagine how devastated she must feel; it’s terrible to know someone for such a long time, to grown up with them and then to see them in this state. I know that it’s a part of life, but that doesn’t make it easier.

And even when you aren’t close to someone, it’s still sad, so I’m sure you feel bad about it. I know what you mean about cancer; that’s how my grandma went. She was also in a hospice in the end, but my family was not pleased about it. I wasn’t there, though, so I can’t give a firsthand account.

Is your mom going to get a chance to see her?

Hi Jackie,

I am sorry about your grandma.  What type of cancer did she have?  Why was your family not happy about hospice?  I am just curious, because I have never actually seen how hospice works either.  I just did not like that my Sister-In-Law died painfully.  So to me hospice seems like a good alternative.

No, my Mom probably won’t be able to go see her.  She is still waiting to see if she is even able to talk on the phone.  They don’t want to right now.  I do hope she can somehow say “goodbye.”

Thanks for asking about my grandma Christine, she had lung cancer, but the crazy thing is that she never smoked a day in her life; at the time, we didn’t really understand that she could get lung cancer; it just didn’t make any sense. But now I understand that you can get lung cancer even if you don’t smoke.

Well, I think they were unhappy because they didn’t want her to go to a hospice- they wanted her to remain somewhere (like the hospital) where she would be treated and hopefully, get better. It was a big drama because two of her sons put her in the hospice- the rest of the family disagreed. So, I think they took their anger out on the hospice because they wanted to get her out of there, but they didn’t have power of attorney, so the hospice wouldn’t listen. Other than that though, I think they thought the people were nice.

How did your sister-in-law pass? I’m sorry to hear that your mom can’t visit her. That’s so sad. Maybe she can find a way to say good bye in her own way?

My Sister-In-Law passed away from Melanoma.  She had Hodgkins first and then about a year or two later got Melanoma. 

It seems to me that some poeple have a hard time going to hospice, because they take that as giving up hope.  I think that is why my Brother-In-Law never called hospice for her.  He was waiting for a miracle.

I agree with you.  I hope my Mom finds a way to say goodbye.

Hi Jackie and Holly,

I just wanted to let you know that my Mom had a chance to talk with my Aunt.  They had a great conversation.  She has a very large brain tumor and the doctor says she will just slip away.  I can tell that the conversation was good for both of them.  I am so grateful for this!  Just thought you might want to know.

Holly, in regards to your question about my Moms mortality.  You are probably right.  I am not sure how close they are in age.  I know that talking to her brought back a lot of memories of their childhood, which is also making her think about her own life and her mortality.  Thank you so much for your post.

Christine

Christine,

I am very sorry about your Aunt..I am very glad she and your mom did have a chance to speak on the phone. sometimes, even the littlest of things such as this will mean a lot to both parties..

Christine, I am so very happy to hear that! It is great news that they got a chance to talk (it’s a little silly, but I think stuff like that is pretty important). I bet your mom feels so much better now. Of course, it’s still sad that your aunt will pass, but still, at least there’s some feeling of closure. I wish I had had one last time to talk to my grandma, but what can you do?

Anyway, this was really great news- it’s corny, but this actually was the best news I heard all day- no joke!

Hi Mary Beth & Jackie,

Thanks for making me smile today.  I was just as happy as you are Jackie.  They had an amazing conversation.  I would hope that everyone can have closure like that.  I am sorry you were not able to talk to your Grandmother again.  It is not always possible.  I think it is a lot harder to handle the passing of a friend or family member if you don’t have the opportunity to say “goodbye” or make amends if need be. I hope you were able to find someway to have closure.  I am sure your Grandmother knew you were there in spirit, if you could not be there in person.

Christine,
I think you’re right that a lot of people see hospice as a giving up of sorts. I can understand that feeling, since the whole point of hospice is end-of-life care, but it really is the best place for many people to be so they can get the right amount of care.

I’m also glad to hear your mom got to talk to her. I hope it gives her, and you, a sense of peace.

Hi Holly and Christine,

Holly, a lot of people feel that way about hospice even though, in many instances, it really is one of the best places for someone to be. It’s comfortable and very peaceful; it’s like you said, many people just don’t want to give up on their loved ones, even though they may have to.

Christine, I was sorry that I didn’t get to talk to my grandma; that hurt, but I talk about her a lot- she was such a funny lady! She used to make me laugh so much; that’s one of the things that I value about my relationship with her. Plus, she helped to teach me how to cook, so I remember her all the time. Thanks for asking about it Christine- I appreciate it!

Jackie, it sounds like you had a very special relationship with your Grandmother.  I am envious.  I grew up in a different state then my grandparents. They would visit us, but I did not get to know them that well.  I feel so grateful that my kids have their cousins and grandparents here to see them grow up. How nice it is that your grandma taught you to cook.  What a wonderful memory.  I am glad you still talk to her.  I am sure she is watching over you.

Thank you Holly & Mary Beth!  I am glad my Mom was able to talk to my Aunt as well.  I know it helped my Mom.  It will still be hard, but at least there is some closure.