Military Funeral Etiquette

Anyone who has attended a memorial ceremony for a person in the armed forces knows that military funeral etiquette is of utmost importance. Since these burials are rich in tradition, they are not only elegant, but reverent too.

Military funerals are given to deceased service persons who are retired, died in the line of duty or honorably discharged. Formally called Military Funeral Honors, the deceased soldier or sailor is entitled to the following upon his or her burial:

• An Honor Guard Detail of at least two members of the military, one of whom from the branch in which the deceased person served. These individuals are also called parent service representatives.
• The folding of an American flag by a representative of the deceased person's parent service representative
• Having that same flag presented to the next of kin
• The playing of Taps by a bugler or electronic recording

Usually the funeral home director will request the military honors on behalf of the family. To be eligible to receive them, the deceased person must have been:

• An active duty service person or in the Selected Reserve
• A former active service member who was honorably discharged or retired
• A former member of a Selected Reserve who was retired or honorably discharged or who served for at least one year
• A members of the military who were discharged due to injury received in the line of duty
• A service man or woman who died in the line of duty

Service persons can also be buried with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Virginia.

While any funeral is a reverent affair, military funerals seem a bit more formal. Therefore, the family in mourning, and other family members and friends in attendance expect certain etiquette.

If you are a member of the Armed Forces, you will be expected to behave in a manner becoming a soldier or sailor. Besides wearing your dress uniform, you should salute when it is appropriate (except if you are a pallbearer):

• When the hearse passes in front of you
• At any time while the casket is being moved
• During the gun salute
• While Taps is being played
• If present when the casket is being lowered into the ground

If you are in civilian dress, you should remove your hat and place it over your heart in lieu of saluting. Use your right hand if you aren't wearing a hat. Remain standing for the entire service except when the chaplain or other religious figure is reading the committal service if seating is available.

Everyone in attendance at a military funeral should be dressed respectfully. Casual clothing such as jeans, shorts, t-shirts, athletic clothing and the like are frowned upon. Everyone should be comfortable but should also be dressed appropriately. Wear comfortable dress shoes, as these types of services tend to run a little longer than a regular funeral service.

Allow immediate family members to sit in the chairs available at the cemetery. The next of kin should be in front, as he or she will be the recipient of the folded American flag given as part of the service. Family members and friends who are seated at the gravesite should remain seated throughout the ceremony.

Those attending the service should follow the lead of the chaplain or Honor Guard Detail. Cell phones should be turned off and iPods and other electronic devices should be left at home.

Young children and toddlers should not be present at a graveside military funeral. They simply are too young to understand and it is difficult for them to remain quiet and still for an extended time. Elementary school children may be old enough to attend, but inform them ahead of time of the process, so things such as the gun salute doesn't catch them off guard.

Older children should be encouraged to attend, as it is important for them to understand military funeral etiquette. If you do decide to bring a child to a military funeral, be prepared to leave promptly if he or she becomes disruptive or loud. Use your best judgment.

After the funeral, make time to visit the family who recently lost their loved one. Take some time to send not only a sympathy card, but a letter of condolence as well. Phone calls even a few weeks later will be welcomed, and appreciated.

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