Messages to Say on Bereavement Cards

Everyone grieves differently, so finding the right messages to say on bereavement cards can be difficult. You don't want to say something that might upset the family or friends of the deceased person, but at the same time, you don't want to sound insensitive. Your best bet is to speak a true sentiment from your heart, but if you are still at a loss for words, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry" may be suffice.

Believe it or not, but there is proper etiquette to follow when sending sympathy cards. After all, you are sending your thoughts to family who is going through one of the most difficult times in their lives. Depending on who has died, your card or letter can either brighten their day or actually, make them feel worse. So, yes, there can be a lot of pressure to do this right:

• Send the card or letter as soon as you find out about the death; if you are sending a letter, use personal stationery and hand-writer the correspondence with black or blue ink
• Keep your message short and simple
• If you were close to the deceased person, it is proper to express how much you will miss them and what he or she meant to you
• If you weren't close to the person who died, simply acknowledging the death is sufficient.
• Use your full and proper name when signing the card. There's a chance that someone else with the same first name will send a card or letter as well.
• Make sure the correspondence has enough postage

If there is ever a time when someone may be speechless, it's usually when they are around someone who has had a loved one die. Many people don't want to sound inconsiderate, so they don't say anything at all. And that includes the message put on sympathy cards. However, if you find a well-versed card, you really may not have to say anything at all.

However, if you do want to include a message, the rule of thumb is to keep it basic and short. Some general messages that work in all instances on a bereavements cards include: "I'm sorry for your loss"

• "Let me know how I can help"
• "My deepest sympathies during your time of loss"
• "I am here for you"
• "My thoughts and prayers are with you"
• "[Name] will be dearly missed"
• "[Name] is in my prayers"
• "Please accept my condolences"
• "With heartfelt condolences"
• "With caring thoughts"
• "Peace, prayers and blessings"
• "May you find peace and comfort"

Besides dwelling on the details of the death, phrases or sayings not to be written on sympathy cards include:

• "I know how you feel"
• "Time heals all wounds"
• "[Name] is in a better place now"
• "I hope you feel better soon"
• "It was his/her time to go"
• "Tomorrow will be a better day"
• "It's all for the best"
• "I know you miss [Name]"
• "Sending happy thoughts your way"
• "This too shall pass"
• "[Name] won't suffer anymore"
• "Call me if you need anything"

Although not traditionally thought of as the proper way to give a sympathy card, sending an electronic condolence is not unheard of anymore. In the day and age of communicating via e-mail, instant messenger and text messaging, sending a bereavement message this way will guarantee the recipient will receive your condolences in a timely manner. The downside? There's a good chance your message will go unread for awhile if the mourner does not check his or her e-mail or cell phone.

Some Web sites that offer sympathy greetings include:

• 2000Greetings
• CCGreetings
• Card Fountain
• Yahoo! Greetings
• 123Greetings
• Dgreetings
• USAGreetings

A good rule of thumb is to follow up with the family a week or two after the funeral and offer them assistance with housework, babysitting, running errands or cooking meals. It doesn't matter who in the family died -- spouse, parent, child or pet. The shock and grief they are feeling won't go away overnight. They will want someone to call and check up on them even if a few weeks have passed.

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