Helping Children Deal With the Death of a Pet

Burying and Honoring the Pet

After the animal has died, it is important to care for its remains, and if need be, hold a funeral or memorial service. This will allow the child to grieve appropriately and say good-bye to his or her beloved pet. If it a larger animal who died, such as a dog or cat, you may want to look into burying it in a pet cemetery. Albeit this is a more expensive option, it will also allow your child to have a place to go and "visit" with his or her friend. If you are thinking of burying your pet in your backyard, check with your local municipality for laws governing pet burial on residential property.

If you aren't able to bury your beloved pet, then cremation is another option. This will allow your child to physically have the animal placed in an urn and either buried nearby (again check with local laws), or kept in a special place at home or in the yard. The child can also have the option of scattering the ashes where he or she desires, such as the beach or dog park. A small amount of ashes can also be kept in a piece of cremation jewelry that the youngster can wear.

The Funeral or Memorial Service

Allowing your child to help plan the funeral or memorial service is another way of helping them deal with the death of the pet. Some ways to honor the deceased pet include:

• Creating a slide show, photo collage or scrapbook
• Decorating a burial container, if the pet was small (bird, hamster or frog)
• Picking out the casket and headstone (if buried at a pet cemetery)
• Writing a poem
• Singing or playing a favorite song
• Drawing pictures
• Creating a special bracelet from the pet's collar or leash
• Donating unused pet food, supplies and toys to an animal shelter
• Raising funds to donate to an animal shelter in the pet's memory

How to Handle the Whys

Many times, helping children deal with the death of a pet includes answering questions about how and why the animal died. Handling these inquiries depends on many factors including religious background and the age of the child. If you and your family believe in Heaven, then your child will more than likely think that the pet that died went there. However, if you choose to tell your child otherwise, make sure your answer is done in simple terms that he or she will understand. If the pet that died had lived a long life, it's best not focus on the animal's age at the time of passing; the child may equate that to living relatives who are older and fear for their deaths.

Bringing Home a New Pet

Some children who lose a pet may want a new one to care for as soon as possible, while others may never want one again. It's important not to force a new pet on your child. However, if he or she wants to go to the pet shop, reinforce that this animal in no way will replace the one that has died. The deceased pet will always hold a special place in the family. Some ideas for new pets include:

• Buying a completely different animal so the child will not have to compare them
• Getting a similar animal, but of a different color or gender

Helping Children Deal With the Death of Pet: Reference Books

There are many books on the market to help children deal with the death of a pet:

• The Berenstain Bears Lose a Friend
• When a Pet Dies
• When Children Grieve
• Remembering My Pet: A Kid's Own Spiritual Remembering Workbook for When a Pet Dies
• Goodbye Mousie

Final Thought

The most important thing to remember when a pet dies is to let your child grieve naturally. He or she may not understand everything that has happened, so it's best to explain it in the simplest terms. Remember, children don't need to know every single fact or detail, especially if was a gruesome death. Check in with youngster to make sure he or she is OK. If you notice a drastic change in behavior, it may be best to consult with a professional.