Grieving Unborn Baby

Mourning for Miscarriage

According to the Center for Disease Control, roughly 15 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Some agencies, however, feel this number is higher -- between 20 percent and 25 percent. By definition, a miscarriage is a pregnancy that ends before 24 weeks gestation. However, most miscarriages take place during the first 12 weeks (or first trimester) of a pregnancy. Only 50 percent have identifiable causes such as chromosomal, genetic or structural deficiencies or defects.

Ways of Grieving a Miscarriage

Some people -- mainly women -- are more open about sharing their grief over their miscarriages. Since there usually is no physical evidence including photos of the baby who died or a gravesite to visit, they need other tangible reminders of the life lost including:

• Online memorials: Various websites such as MySpace are havens for memorials dedicated to children lost through miscarriage. Other memorials include personal websites filled with poetry and graphics dedicated to the child.
• Collectibles: Besides collecting and displaying ultrasounds photos, which are usually the only pictures available of the baby, individuals will collect items, such as angels or fairies, to serve as reminders.
• Poetry or songs: An Internet search will provide you with numerous poems and songs about miscarriage.

Sad Because of a Stillbirth

According to the SIDS Alliance, a stillbirth is the death of a child in utero after 20 weeks gestation from a variety of causes including chromosomal or genetic defects, umbilical cord accidents, or from something completely unknown or unexplainable. Each year, more than 25,000 babies are born still.

Many of these women will find out ahead of time that their baby has died and will have to go through labor and delivery. They will be grieving their unborn child in ways many don't or won't understand. For some, they felt kicks or flutters only hours before finding out their baby died, and in a matter of days, will leave the hospital empty-handed.

Grieving a Stillborn Child

There are many ways children who are born still are missed and grieved by their parents and families. While many ways are similar to those done for a child lost to miscarriage, others include:

• Headstone inscriptions: Special verses or quotes are inscribed on a headstone to symbolize that the child buried in that plot died from a stillbirth.
• Living memorials: Planted trees, rose gardens or the release of a dozen butterflies are living reminders of the child who died.
• Written words: Keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings after finding out about the death of your baby will help you down the road in understanding and dealing with your grief. There are also many books available that deal with this specific topic.

Other Reasons for Grieving an Unborn Baby

Parents will also grieve their unborn children if they find out the baby has an anomaly or deficiency either incompatible with life or one that will lower their quality of life. These mothers and fathers will grieve the normal life that most children lead, as well as the hardships and disabilities that are ahead.

However, it doesn't matter why you are grieving, the fact is you are, and help is available if you want it. Online and in person, there are many support groups available that deal with many types of child loss.