Grieving Grandparents

The Value of Grandparents

Grandparents are our legacy. We recall stories passed along about them, as well as fond memories of our own. To lose a grandparent to death brings a sadness unlike any other. In life, grandparents often provide much for us, including:

• Guidance
• Wisdom
• Love
• Finances
• Stability
• Traditional values
• Family customs

Emotions When Grieving Grandparents

As with any death, you may experience some of the following emotions when a cherished grandparent dies:

• Remorse
• Regret
• Sorrow
• Sadness
• Relief
• Anger or frustration

Funerals and Memorial Services

When a grandmother or grandfather dies, you might be responsible for planning the funeral or memorial service. You will want the selection of music, flowers and sentiments to reflect the life of the grandparent. Respecting the burial wishes of your grandparent is also something you may have to take responsibility for after the death. Ask for help from other family members or friends. No one needs to carry the sole task of planning a funeral. Let others join you in deciding the type of service your grandparent wished for.

Tributes in Memory

Many like to carry on the legacy of a life by establishing a fund or contributing to an existing foundation in memory and honor of a grandparent. Choose something your grandmother liked. For example, if she was an advocate for preserving wild life, create a way for those who loved her to give to a foundation with that focus. Memorials can live on and provide good for the community as well as on a global level. Make sure the memorial you choose reflects your grandparent.

One More Note

In an ideal world, every death is a sad one and longing for and missing the deceased is a constant. However, in a realist world, sometimes there have been problems with your loved ones and their death may complicate feelings or issues you held. Perhaps your relationship with the deceased was not a happy one. Questions went unanswered or there was a sticky situation regarding the Will. At the time of the death of your grandparent, respect who he or she was as much as you can. Understand that other family members may not feel these mixed emotions that you harbor. Do not use the immediate death or funeral to speak unkindly of him or her. Others might be grieving grandparents intensely and your negative words will not be taken well. Let the time of death and months afterward be a time for mourning even if you cannot participate. If your unresolved issues you hold continue to bother you, do not hesitate to seek the counsel of a therapist or clergy member. Talking about these issues and dealing with them may be just what you need for healing.

Continue to Tell Their Story

As you are grieving grandparents who have died, make sure that you do not neglect to share their lives with others. Grandparents provide us with a richness unlike anyone else due to their age and wisdom. Many of them experienced difficult lives, especially those who lived through wars, depression, death of loved ones, and personal tragedies. Their lives and the examples we can tell of how they lived brings hope and strength to any family unit. If you have children, you will want to share tales about your grandparents with them. This will help your children know about their family history. Continuing to remember the life of a loved one adds to our life and those of our children.

Scrapbooks

You may want to make a scrapbook or memory book with your children. Fill the pages of the book with pictures, photos, and entries about the grandparent. Let your children help with the creation of the book. They will feel connected to your grandparent or in their case, their great-grandparent.