Coping with Loss of a Spouse

Coping with the loss of a spouse might be one of the hardest kinds of grief you will ever have to endure.

A spouse may have been a lover and companion for decades. You have weathered the storms of life together. There have been birthdays, anniversaries, births of children and grandchildren and loss of parents. You have shared much with this one person and now he or she is gone. How will you now live without your love? Will you survive? How can you cope? Life might seem meaningless at first. You may not feel like continuing on. Know that you will learn to cope without your spouse. It takes time.

Perhaps you have only been married a few years. You anticipated a future together. Now it has ended. The death of a spouse is all-consuming. How will you face the days ahead? Why did he or she have to die at such a young age? You wanted children together. You were going to buy a house. Now your dreams are demolished. The days and weeks are dull. Some well-meaning folks are telling you that you will find someone else. You are not interested in anyone else. Your heart is broken.

If you have been married for decades, your loss is significant. Your spouse was your soul mate and the past 40 or 50 years have been with this one person by your side. What will you do now that he or she is gone? The special dates that were meaningful to you as well as the holidays will be particularly stressful.

The signs, or stages, of grieving are important to experience in order to be able to live life. Know that you might experience the following:

• Listlessness
• Sorrow
• Spells of crying
• Loss of excitement about living
• Fear of the future
• Denial
• Anger
• Discouragement

Books by those who understand firsthand what it is like to say good-bye to a spouse are important to read. All books listed can be found at Amazon.

• Waking Up Alone: Grief & Healing by Julie, K. Cicero
• Widowhood: The Death of a Spouse by Janice Rock, M.A.; Michael Rock
• Living with Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Be sure to take the following into account as you are coping with loss of a spouse:

• Get plenty of rest
• Eat balanced meals
• Spend time doing nothing
• Feel free to cry
• Be patient with your grief
• Consider an online bereavement counseling course
• Talk with friends
• Get professional help if you are unable to function at all or need to talk with a grief counselor
• Journal your feelings and thoughts
• Avoid hasty decisions
• Let yourself grieve; grieving is healing and necessary
• Get financial help, if needed
• Know that you will never forget your spouse
• Find someone you can share memories of your spouse with
• Do not feel rushed to rid your home of your spouse's possessions
• Reject your feelings and thoughts of guilt; you could not prevent your spouse's death

As time goes on, you may want to add some changes to your life. Perhaps you will want to join a club or volunteer somewhere. This will help fill the empty days as you continue to mourn the loss of your spouse. There are many organizations out there who will welcome your help. Your life will definitely be different without your beloved husband or wife, but there is still life to be lived. Consider meeting new friends and seek new opportunities. Others have lost spouses as you have, and are able to live meaningful lives.

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